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Life: Saint Joan & The Silver Bag Man

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January 29, 2013
Be Happy, News & Views
34 Comments

 

Joan of Arc : Image by State Library of Victoria

Yesterday, I headed into the city, armed with the task of buying ‘Knowledge Quest English Book One’. ‘Knowledge Quest English Book One’ is a Year 7 English text. The errand seemed simple enough and as it was a lovely afternoon, I walked the fairly short distance from my house to Swanston Street, past the Hot Rod Show, through the Carlton Gardens, across Victoria Parade and down Lonsdale Street.

I detoured across the front of the State Library, instead of taking my usual route down Little Lonsdale Street. There were people sprinkled across the lawn and a few sitting on seats and wandering in the library’s front door.

I slowed for a minute to look at the Joan of Arc statue and noticed a man sitting on a bench, eating his noodle lunch, taking in Joan’s magnificence too. We smiled at each other. It was all feeling pretty great. Sprinkled people. Joan of Arc. Noodles. Smiles. Sunshine. What could be better?

This afternoon haze sharpened suddenly, shockingly, when a thin man reeled backwards  in front of Joan of Arc, at the hands of another much bigger man. Then the bigger man pushed the smaller man down the stairs. The smaller man banged his head on the steps, but sprung up quickly, his hand flying to the back of his head, his eyes wide.

The bigger man, who I could now see was clutching the silver bag from a box of wine bellowed something unintelligible at the smaller man.  His eyes were tight with anger, his face stretched and red. He lumbered clumsily down the stairs to the street, away from the smaller man and jumped onto a departing tram. The doors closed and he was gone.

It all happened very quickly. The whole exchange took about 20 seconds.   I looked around me and a few people looked back shaking their heads. I looked for the small man. He’d walked away and now stood behind a tree talking to a companion.  He rubbed his head, mouth open, head shaking too. The man with the noodles had gone.

I didn’t really know what to do. The injured man had retreated, standing where he was nearly out of view. The man who assaulted him was halfway down Swanston Street on a tram.  I was still standing in front of Joan of Arc.

I wanted to go over to the small man and say how sorry I was that this had happened. I wanted to make sure he was okay. But he looked so embarrassed. Hundreds of people were scattered about the Library. It was impossible to know how many had witnessed the encounter.  No one else made a move.

So I walked away, looking over my shoulder every few steps.  I noticed that his friend was taking care of him. I noticed that the small man was still touching his head and wincing, checking his fingers for blood. I felt helpless and I felt really guilty about being a human being.

How is it that some people are so capable of violence? Is this just about alcohol? Or race (their races differed)? Or stupidity?  And why don’t we/I know what to do, when we/I witness such a horrible exchange? Apart from the small man’s friend, no one approached at any time during this incident. Apart from giving the small man a sympathetic look, I didn’t feel able to do anything either. I felt like I would make things worse or upset the already visibly shaken man.

After I left, returning to the task at hand (‘Knowledge Quest Book One’), I imagined myself running into the big man further down Swanston St and asking him what made him do such a thing. I imagined him looking crestfallen, admitting he’d been ignored by his father or that he was powerless against the evils of alcohol.  He would look genuinely remorseful and I’d feel better as we parted. Semi-yay!

But in my heart I know I’d never ask him anything, in case he hurt me too.  Does this make sense to you?

I’m on my own remorseful knowledge quest now…

Have you ever witnessed this kind of thing? A sharp, shocking, painful altercation? What should you do when something like this happens? How do you balance your concern for others with your own safety? Or another person’s dignity? Or what is kind and right?

I wish I’d talked to the small man. Dang. I wish I’d broken through those hundreds of seeing/non-seeing people and risked embarrassing him or myself with some kind words. I will do that next time. I have promised myself that.

x Pip

  • Lilly

    Oh, Pip, this is very horrible! I’ve only ever witnessed alcohol fuelled violence, and frankly, sober violence would frighten me much more!

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      I think you are right. This man was horrible. Contorted and spitting… Really scary.

  • mscate

    I do know what you mean. We were walking home down our street yesterday afternoon and someone threw a bottle out of a car and shattering the glass at the bus shelter. It went everywhere, all the ready to cut car and bike tyres and the paws of dogs and cats.Luckily we were walking on the other side of the street. We had the same thought, why would you do that? What do you get out of it? We really wanted to catch the person and ask them just that.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      I guess a lot of the time it IS drugs or alcohol that fuels this stuff… and there is no reasoning with people when they are not themselves… :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/kiara.rugg Kiara Jayne Ruggiero

    About six months ago I was waiting at the tram stop on the corner of Collins and Spencer st to wait for my connecting tram. It was a weekday and I was in year 12 this year, so was completely comfortable using the public transport system as I’d been doing so since I was 10 years old.

    On this particular occasion, I was waiting at the tram stop waiting for the Route 48 to Docklands to get home (my school was in Kew), and out of nowhere this horrible, drug-addled woman walked onto the tram platform. Experience had told me to not look, divert you eyes, don’t say anything to them. Basically, become invisible. Apparently this woman had other plans.

    She approached me and I still said nothing. One need only look at her to realise that saying anything could provoke her into something that would put me into danger. She started yelling and screaming at me (for a reason unbeknownst to me). It seemed as if she was telling me off for something, as if I’d done something wrong. Mind you I had just turned 18 years old so I was scared shitless. She was about an inch away from my face, and she was screaming so much I could feel the spit from her talking on my face.

    Initially I responded by saying that i didn’t know what she was talking about, in regards to this mystery thing I’d supposedly done. When that angered her more i “apologised” hoping this would make her leave. She was probably in her 30′s, completely high on drugs and likely affected by a mental disorder as a result of the drugs. It’s hard to describe the fear of that situation without being there yourself and witnessing it.

    Finally, after threatening to kill me and barraging me with insults about what I’d supposedly done, she left. Phew, I thought! But no, she came back. And apparently this day the tram decided to be super late. She had another go at me where my mind was racing to figure out how to respond to the situation, my mind telling me “Don’t react or get angry etc, as this woman had no sense of reasoning and could snap at me at any given second”.

    All the while, there were two tram platforms full of people witnessing this. No one come to intervene or even say anything. There were fully grown businessmen two metres away from me who just watched instead of helping the scared shitless 18 year old schoolgirl. When I finally got home I was so shaken up and scared that I didn’t say anything for a good few hours, I was literally on the brink of tears.

    I had realised early in this event that this woman was beyond reason and that trying to calm the situation with her was a lost cause. Though what bothered me was the people that could’ve helped, but didn’t. It’s one thing to not interfere with grown men fighting… but when I saw all those people, including grown, capable men who could’ve helped, just stopping and staring instead of helping you… There’s nothing like that feeling. Can’t describe it.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      Gosh. And look how clearly you can recount this Kiara. I can’t imagine how horrible this was. I wonder if ONE person makes a move, if others would help? We are all so obviously paralysed by fear or indecision… perhaps a group effort/safety in numbers is the answer?

      Thanks for telling me this story, because it’s important to know how it feels to be isolated/ignored and under threat… and you’ve relayed that very clearly. Thanks for taking the time to do that. x

      • http://www.facebook.com/kiara.rugg Kiara Jayne Ruggiero

        I think these days a lot of people do become so paralysed as to how to respond, as we’re taught from an early age to avoid such confrontations. A group effort would have been the answer in my opinion – when one person helps out, it gives others the courage and motivation to join in. I guess a lot of people are just scared of being “the first person”.

        I guess it just comes down to that old adage of putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes, and thinking about how they feel in that situation. Then your reaction should follow suit! x

        • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

          I think this makes perfect sense. Thanks for your GREAT ADVICE. xx

    • http://www.facebook.com/londonlouise Louise Byron

      Kiara, in hindsight, you probably did the correct thing; Sometimes with EDPs (emotionally disturbed persons) you can try and reason, sometimes not. If it happens again, turn to the nearest person and say ‘Lovely weather today…’ and this usually breaks the ice and they will give u some support hopefully. Don;t let his incident stop you going about yr life as you wish.

      • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

        Weirdly, there was a man sitting around the corner from my house on the way into the city yesterday. He struck up a conversation with me and then started abusing me and talking in a really angry manner about things I had supposedly done. He obviously had mental health issues. I just said ‘I hope you have a great afternoon!’ and he stopped berating me and said ‘You try to do that too’…! And we parted. WEIRD day yesterday in my world.

  • http://www.mrsnotable.com.au/ Louisa | Mrs Notable

    its so awful, its hard to know what to do. I’ve been witness to this sort of senseless carry on too many times, working in a pub. I left the industry in 2008, and it is so much better for me that I not be in that booze fueled environment. I admire people who can help, I can’t, I get to caught up in others sadness and it goes on to consume me.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      I feel terrible about this, about feeling that I could not reach out. I wonder if other people in the crowd are feeling the same…? I wonder how that poor man is feeling…?

  • http://www.facebook.com/theresa.tan8 Theresa Tan

    I think people just don’t know what to do…I experienced racial violence on a tram and no one except my own friends ask if I was ok….the woman was clearly on drugs and because I wouldn’t respond or even look at her, she punched me in the head. I don’t think there is a clear right or wrong way to respond to violence. Kind word will always be appreciated though!

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      Oh god. That is horrible, Theresa. How awful for you… Super scary and sad. x

    • http://www.facebook.com/londonlouise Louise Byron

      Theresa, you should have called the police; its not OK to punch anyone, no matter if the violent person is affected by drugs or booze.

  • http://twitter.com/MishyLane Mishy Lane

    I had a similar experience in Melbourne waiting for a tram at Central. Some drunk loser was verbally abusing a quiet man who was dressed in ladies clothing (his own personal choice – not harming a soul). The drunk hill-billy kid was clutching a pink vodka Cruiser, so clearly he wasn’t as tough as he was pretending to be! I really wanted to stick up for this poor guy in the fabulous clothes. But I didn’t. I was scared for my safety. But I know how you feel, I will always regret not standing up for what was right :(

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      That’s it exactly. EXACTLY. Ladies clothing man sounds nice. xx

  • http://www.facebook.com/londonlouise Louise Byron

    Don’t beat yourself up; Most people go into a bit of shock seeing something like that, and u maybe did too; Next time, shout at the bad guy, say ‘F88k off or Im calling the cops…’ and then see if the victim needs any help. Mission Australia will always turn up to help if its a homeless person getting into any kind of strife. The Sydney no is 1800306461; I can’t locate a Melbourne one at the mo.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      Thanks Louise. I actually do feel like a complete dick for not being brave enough to say something… Next time I will work out a better response and think on my feet a little quicker. (Hope there is not a next time…!)

      • http://www.facebook.com/londonlouise Louise Byron

        I was a Sydney city council ranger for 8 1/2 yrs and saw this kind of thing many and often; If you stand up (sometimes) its the best thing, but one thing I learnt in my ranger days is that each incident must be taken on its merits. — I wont go on, but as I am so fond of saying,’if you have a bottle of vodka and a few hours to spare, I can tell u all about it…’

  • http://twitter.com/northernsunbird queenobeans

    A few years ago I was working in a shop in a quiet part of a biggish Qld city ( but just around the corner from the police station ) when I heard shouting. I went out to look and found two young Asian guys beating and kicking a scruffy looking Anglo guy. I couldn’t see another person on the long street ( it was after lunch) but I couldn’t let them continue so I first called 000 and then walked out to them and said – in my best “mother/grandmother?” voice – “stop – what on earth do you think you are doing”. amazingly they did – then one said ” he ripped us off” I said “that’s no excuse” you can’t just go around beating people” – I took the guy’s arm and sat him down and said I have called the police – who are just around the corner. At that they took off running. Which is good because it took the police two and a half hours to turn up. The guy was gone by then too.
    I don’t think drugs are the real reason – it’s more about money or such. Drugs just exacerbate it. Your silver bag guy probably asked for money or a cigarette and was refused. If you had followed him I suspect unless you handed over some you would have got a earful of abuse – or worse.

    Afterwards my partner was shocked I had done it but at the time I didn’t think about it – I guess it could have worked out badly for me – I think my age, gender and the fact I had called the police and had a “base” to work from on the street were all factors in the two attackers fleeing.
    By the way the guy I saved from a beating did not thank me – just took off as well.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      WOW. You are amazing. How level headed and brave of you. You almost certainly saved Mr Ungrateful from a far worse fate… and in some ways I am not surprised he didn’t thank you. I guess he was shocked/embarrassed too… Thanks for such great, thoughtful insights, queenofbeans. x

    • http://www.facebook.com/londonlouise Louise Byron

      well done! sometimes we have to stand up and be counted…

  • Miss G

    It would have been such a horrible thing for you to be confronted with, Pip. I think you did the right thing. You watched to make sure the small man was ok and with friends.

    I have seen this kind of violence near where I work. It is nearly almost always violence fuelled by alcohol, drugs, mental health issues or a combination of all three. It is always frightening and sometimes out of control. I never know what to do either.

    I think of all the people in my life who need me; my children, loving husband, elderly father, and think to myself that my own self preservation is more important for them. That if I put myself in the middle of an irrational and terrifying situation then perhaps I would not be able to be there for the ones I love.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      I just felt all puffed up and worried and outraged… and then it all got deflated by fear, in the end. x

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jennifer-Cheung/535137850 Jennifer Cheung

    I have a rule about wading into these situations Pip. I think if it’s a fair fight and both parties can stand up for themselves I take a step back but if the odds are uneven I will wade in. I am tiny with a tiny bit of crazy thrown in but I have a hard time living with myself if I don’t. I really think you have to weigh up the situation and look after your personal safety because it can be so dangerous when drugs, alcohol and mental health issues come into play. No matter what you do, seeing violence is very upsetting.

  • Christine Dinsmore

    i have done both. there have been times i have stepped away and times i have stepped in between. i once was in a bathroom and two women got into a fight, everyone ran out and i had my four year old with me. i was just about to leave myself and get him out of there when i saw a two year old little girl crying on the floor between them, i picked her up and told them to stop. after a minute they looked at her and they did. sometimes you just know. but there’s been other times i have seen something and wished i could intervene but i can’t do it, i figure those times it’s just my instinct telling me it’s not a good idea.

    i think for someone like you, someone that is willing, that is taking everything around you and assessing it all – like gaging whether this person had a friend, whether they were hurt, whether they might be embarrassed, your instincts tell you what to do. from your sentiment i think you did the right thing and had this man been alone, had he needed help you would have been the first to go to him.

  • C

    So sorry to hear of this experience Pip. I have had it happen as I walk my dog, unwell peeps mouthing off, i go by my gut feel, I either ignore or say something lame like, no probs, me and my dog are just stretching our legs, see ya! Bam, I get the odd person who wants to pat him! Then I tell them he can be unpredictable and go on our way.

  • http://www.theveggiemama.com Veggie Mama

    I’ve got to learn to embarrass people too. I think we need it.

  • Reannon Hope

    I like to think I’m the person who would see if the man was OK, ask him if he needs help but in all honesty I just don’t know. If I was with my kids I probably wouldn’t because I would be concerned about their safety more than anyone elses but if I was on my own who knows. I ask myself every time every time I see a homeless person sitting with a sign asking for money- why am I so reluctant to hand over my money to them but I ALWAYS give money to buskers? I don’t know why I do that. Am I scared? Am I judging them & how they spend the money?
    WE live in a funny kind of world now where we tend to keep to ourselves more & more. We are less reluctant to help strangers in trouble for fear of putting ourselves in harm or being told we are being a busy body.Maybe if he didn’t have his friend with him you might have stopped & asked if he was Ok….

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Pip @ JustB

      I totally would have, Reannon. Definitely. x

  • kittybaroque

    When someone is under the influence, the unpredictability of it all can make it too dangerous to intervene & sadly that seems the way more recently of our CBD – in this way, we’ve been lucky here compared to the rest of the world but sadly I think we are catching up. I saw all this and more growing up in South London…sadly….& my Husband & I are still suffering the after effects 4 years later of a guy & his Girlfiend in a 4WD who reversed into my Husband outside The Hyatt, knocked him to the floor then drove off at 2pm in the afternoon. No one stopped to help him, cars drove by him as he lay there. We are breeding a world that doesn’t care & that’s what makes the small acts of good & pockets of happiness so important. We can change this, we just have to band together.

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  • Leanne

    My Mum lives with epilepsy and while going for a mid morning walk one day, she had a seizure. She lay in the gutter and watched car after car drive past her. Some slowed but nobody stopped. Eventually she started walking, very disorientated and went into someone’s house thinking it was her own house. The owner told her she had the wrong house and so on her way she went. She made her way home and was ok but I was so upset that nobody helped her. After a seizure people can be mistaken for being intoxicated-slurred speech, vague, disorientated, can’t walk straight. It’s hard to know what to do. We are so fearful today because there is so much bad. There is also a lot of good. Would I stop to help a broken down vehicle if I was alone or had my kids in the car. Nope I wouldn’t. Fear stops me. I know I haven’t provided any real answer here, I think we can all learn from each others opinions and perspectives tho which is why I shared my mums story.