Here’s The Thing : Keep Your Clothes On?!

Written by

Today I was trawling Facebook (as I am wont to do) and an article about Pop Princess Carly Rae Jepsen came up in the ticker.

Hm. Carly Rae Jepsen. Really? I had previously read about a possible sex tape featuring Ms Call-Me-Maybe, so naturally I clicked through to confirm that it was all rubbish. And maybe it is rubbish, but the piece went on to say that despite denials that Ms Maybe was the real star of the sex tape, hackers had wormed their way into Maybe’s computer and stolen nude photos of her in addition to said alleged tape.  These photos are apparently being shopped around. Or maybe they aren’t. Who knows. You never can believe everything you read, right?

The thing is, this is a common theme in the world of celebrity watching.  Being photographed naked or having a sex tape leaked seems to be totally legitimate ways to climb up the Magic Faraway Tree to The Land Of Fame.  It seems to be completely kosher now to enter the cloudy heights of stardom nude, making your way up the final ladder (with Bessie, Dick and Fanny) as nekked as the day you were born. Jeepers!

When you get to The Land Of Fame,  you then both crossly and shyly clutch at The Wardrobe Of Showiness, in an effort to cover your rude bits, noting that you have reached your intended destination, you are considered both newsworthy and hot and that you’d much rather be wearing some too short cut-off jeans and a boob tube, or possibly some kind of bandage dress and insanely silly platform, lace up, peep toe, wedgey roman sandals.  OMG.

And it’s not just Carly Rae.  There are ‘wisha wisha’ style whispers about a sex tape featuring the super rad Minka Kelly.  Accompanying this tape is creepy discussion about whether Minka was underage when the tape was shot.  Ick.  Maybe such a tape does not even exist, I do not know, but the ‘wisha wisha’ makes me summon a few wishes of my own.

Wish Number One:  I wish people would stop with the nudie shots.  Don’t let someone photograph you in the nude and then get all bunchy when the photo is made public.

Wish Number Two: I wish people would stop making their own nudie movies.  I mean it’s totally fine if you want the world to see what a sexy beast you are at some point.  Then go right ahead. But if you are the type to clutch at the nearest Saucepan Man, sheet or pot plant to cover your nakidety from the general public, then don’t make a sex tape.

Wish Number Three: I wish reporting on alleged nude photos and alleged sex tapes was not so prolific or compelling. One half of me thinks ‘Oh she WOULDN’T!’ and the other thinks ‘But DID she?!’  Both of them want to know the facts.  (And yes, it might be a HE tape, but usually it’s a SHE… why is that?!)

There’s a long list of ladies who have de-clothed (apparently unwittingly, oh no!) and had their bits thrust into the limelight for all to see.  It’s totally paid off for many of these lasses, strategic or not.  But I think that it’s possibly not the best way to climb the ladder.  Perhaps I am being judgey, perhaps this is a new kind of liberation?  I reckon it’s not. I reckon it’s turning yourself into a commodity, objectifying yours good self and simplifying your value, playing the role of victim- lady-hot-sex-bot.  But that’s just what I think.  Maybe I’m just old-fashioned…

Are nude photos and sex tapes de rigeur in relationships now? And if they are, how do you guard against this kind of MUCH wider exposure?

What do you think about the whole sex tape/nude photo path to fame/love?  Does it work for you?

xx Pip


  • Reannon Hope Bowen

    Oh my gosh! I left a really big comment here yesterday , where did it go?! The internets ate it lol

    • Pip @ JustB

      Oh my gosh! I am so sorry that happened! I was listening to the ‘crickets’ and wondering why no-one cared!! x

      • Reannon Hope Bowen

        I’ll try again tonight when I’m front of the PC ( although that’s how I sent it yesterday…). Don’t worry Pip, I care xx