Life: School Holidays Survival Guide

Here’s your must have survival guide for these school holidays. Sit up straight and pay attention, now!

A note about snacks:
Buy lots and lots. And when you think you have enough, buy some more. Lots more. I can not stress this enough. I mean, this is the very reason Costco was invented! And remember: children find it harder to say “I’m bored!” and “Are we there yet?” when their mouths are full of snacks.

A note about free school holiday activities:
It pays to remember that nothing is ever free. What you might save on dollars, you will pay for in the time you spend colouring, cutting and sticking while your child tells you they are bored. It should also be noted that the ratio of adults to children to ensure *anyone* has a good time during these activities is roughly 3:1. Oh, and while you’re at it, when it comes to activities advertised using fluoro colours, multiple exclamation marks and/or a font and spelling made to look like it was written by a six year old, don’t. Just don’t.

A note about school holiday films:
3D films may be the greatest single rort in cinematic history but here’s one thing worth bearing in mind: those 3D glasses conceal any shut-eye you manage to grab during the film.

A note about daily screentime allowances for children during school holidays:
School holidays, along with long haul flights and extended stays in the homes of cranky elderly relatives are like Switzerland when it comes to screentime. Remember: what happens in school holidays, stays in school holidays.

A note about daily standard drink allowances for adults during school holidays:
See above.

A note about venues that don’t allow you to take your own food in:
Unless you feel like remortgaging your house to pay for a round of sandwiches at the local indoor “fun” centre, here’s what you do: Remember those snacks I told you to buy? Well, stuff as much of them as possible in your bra before entering the venue. Either that or fill your cheeks with the food and then feed your children like baby birds.

A note about housework during school holidays:
In the words of KC & The Sunshine Band: “Na na na na na na na na na na na! Baby, give it up, give it up, baby, give it up!”. Within two days, your home will resemble a snow dome mid-violent shake. Why fight it? WHY? (*runs sobbing from computer*)

Anyone else got some survival tips to share?

The formerly fashionable NDM had three children and discovered that brown is the new black the hard way. The force behind the once-was-blog Not Drowning, Mothering, she now very occasionally writes for the sometimes-blog The NDM. In her spare time, she enjoys baking cakes, cyber-hassling advertising executives and collecting photos of unusual objects made out of paperclips.

 

  • Magic Mike

    Can’t talk. On Nervine.

  • http://www.facebook.com/birdy.numnum.98 Birdy Num Num

    It’s been one day. One day. Offspring are still alive … just. Needing happy pills for all of us if we are to go on. Going out did not make it better. Watching Family Guy and American Dad after they’re asleep did.

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  • LLLM

    What would we do without you, NDM?

  • rumpus

    Gold!
    I can only add one more tip: At all times have an adult activity to look forward to, even if that activity is nothing more than grilled cheese after 10pm. They can’t take that away from you.

  • http://twitter.com/jennywynter Jenny Wynter

    I love you.

    And…I stock up on cheap wine. And soon after I have a three day growth. Not sure of what. But I’m pretty sure that’s not good.

  • http://twitter.com/TheBeardedIris Leslie Marinelli

    Preach it, sister! That tip about the snacks is SOLID GOLD, baby. I have a friend who gives her boys a bucket of unshelled walnuts, sends them outside, and makes them break the walnuts open with found objects. “If you want a snack, you need to work for it.” Keeps ‘em busy and satisfied for hours. And it’s healthy! (Bonus!)