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The Skinny on The Skinnies

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January 16, 2012
Be Healthy
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Yesterday Ari and I hit the supermarket to buy, amongst other things, eucalyptus oil, nail polish remover, soda stream syrup and 2 king size cherry ripes for $3. As we headed past the checkouts, one of the gossip mags caught our eye. It had a few ladies on the front of it, all sporting super bony frames and bikinis. It was one of those ‘GONE TOO FAR?’ kinda cover stories featuring jutting hip bones and prominent ribs. It named several paparazzied ladies and tagged them with their particular skinny raison d’etre.

Ari and I stared at the cover together. And then I made my judgement. Out it came.

‘That’s sad, isn’t it? I think there’s a lot of pressure to be skinny if you are on TV…’

Ari listened and nodded thoughtfully (he is nearly 12.) We walked away and I actually DID feel really sad. I hoped that the skinny ladies were the ‘I can’t help it. It’s just the way I am’ kind and not the ‘No thank you. I don’t do food’ kind. I made the judgement that the degree of thinness equated to a degree of misery or health for the ladies in question. And maybe it did. But I don’t KNOW them, do I? Who am I to feel sad about it, really?!  And why do I feel it’s okay to look at their bodies and feel pity?  Or maybe that is okay? Do you do this too?

It’s my maternal instinct, I think. I see all those bones and I want to say ‘You’re too skinny! Have another plate of lasagna!’ Or some such. (Note that old adage ‘She needs a pie!’)  I make assumptions.  I worry.  Pies come to mind.  I want to FIX it. Probably it is none of my business and I should look away. Possibly there is not always something to be fixed.   Maybe, quite often, there is.  But who am I to make that call?  And why am I defining the person by the body?  It’s not good.  I shouldn’t do that.

As we checked out our groceries, two girls picked up the same magazine and stared at the cover for a long time. ‘Disgusting!’ spat one of them. The other agreed and they put the magazine back and walked away, shaking their heads.  It was a pretty venomous display.  It made me feel sadder for the ladies on the magazine.

What I want to know is, why do we judge these women? Why do some of us feel so sad for them?  Or, at the extreme end of the scale,  disgusted by them?  Why do some of us feel that we KNOW they are miserable, unhealthy etc.

I am totally guilty of this. And the supermarket girls I observed yesterday were guilty of not only judging, but displaying a complete lack of empathy, too. (Disgusting these cover girls are not. They are people, trying their best, like us, despite the whole fame and fortune ball and chain.)

If I dig a bit deeper, I am the first to admit that I am NOT skinny. I’m not.  I have been skinny in the past, but now I am not.  I find skinny a quite impossible thing, to be honest. But it’s not that I’m viewing these skinnies from a jealous, body envy point of view.  Something in me is sure that this super bony version of skinny deserves my sympathy.  I’m body judging, and I should stop it.  I need to see past the body shape and think of the person. I’m going to do that from now on. I’m going to give myself a slap and remember that there’s a real, valuable, ace person within the body, whatever the shape and it’s not up to me to cast judgments.  Especially if I don’t even KNOW the person in question.

How about YOU? Are you tsking at the thin ladies like I am?  Are you worrying when you see photos like those on the magazine I saw yesterday? Are you assuming you know what these women are all about? And is that okay? Or is that completely out of order?  Help me out? Tell me how you see it?

xx Pip

 

PS      :: Super adorable image is via Miss Fancypants (We didn’t want to run any tabloid shots of celebs in bikinis!  A cute happy fashion shot seemed like a better idea!)
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  • Renee

    Ooh, I think I’m a bit guilty of worrying about people who are too skinny. I know that there a lot of people are just like that, but these days there is so much focus on what everyone looks like, you can’t help but wonder if there is pressure there. The media promotes so much body bashing in general, that it’s hard to remember that a healthy body comes in all shapes and sizes.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      It is hard to remember that, isn’t it?! I think it’s good to talk about this stuff, to buck the trend! Thanks for commenting, Renee! x

  • Sharyn

    A long long time ago, I used to be one of those super skinny people and what really used to get to me was not so much that people would judge me – but that they always felt that it was OK to mention it. It seems that it’s considered socially acceptable to discuss a skinny persons size, diet and eating habits without any invitation from them. To do the same to anyone overweight would be considered unbelievably rude.

    If you’ve ever asked your underweight friends if they have an eating disorder – would you point out the health risks of obesity to an overweight friend? If you’ve ever told your skinny friend to have another slice – you need to fatten up! Would you tell your overweight friend they’ve had enough? Now that I’m overweight, not only am I far happier with how I look but nobody else seems to have the slightest care about my size.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      You are so right. I remember when I was super skinny (without wanting to be!) someone said ‘You’re holding FEAR in your body. You need to let go of your FEAR and you’ll put on weight!’. MEH to you and your fear! It is interesting that we feel we can speak freely about the bodies of thin people. And it’s also incorrect! We need to stop doing that, and learn some nicer, better, less judgey habits, don’t we? Thanks for your view, Sharyn! x

  • Julie

    These days we get so many confusing messages about body size, obesity, eating disorders, diets, beauty, youth, health, and they are all mixed up together. I suspect that a lot of people are unsure about their responses to these things. The point of the magazine article is, I am sure, to get some a response. The people producing these things know perfectly well that some people are going to have the response that you did, and some will have the response that the disgusted girl did. And a lot of people will buy the mag to find out more about the issue (or just look at pictures of skinny celebs).
    Models and actresses have always needed to be skinny as a part of their work. I doubt that it does young women a lot of harm to be thin, it is what they do to themselves to keep thin that might be the problem. The really important thing from a consumers point of view is, as you are demonstrating here, what ‘I’ do with this information. If it makes me feel bad about my body, diet, eat and vomit, smoke more to avoid food, or whatever, then that is not good. It is worth thinking about our responses to these sorts of magazine articles, thanks for your honest response and for raising this issue.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Oh thank you for your view, Julie. I think you are right about people damaging their bodies in the name of thin. But I guess we must also remember that not all thin people are punishing their bodies to be thin. Perhaps we have a natural curiosity about HOW people can be so thin? Perhaps we want to know (or assume to know) how they stay so skinny… Perhaps that is why we obsess over thin? Because it’s quite unattainable for a lot of us? xx

  • sandie

    :) i look at them and think poor loves .. so much pressure how do they cope.. but i live with a very lean man..who some would say it too lean.. and i”m curvy with mother pressuring me at every turn to become a size 0 or what ever that size is..
    truth is i used to freak out about not being skinny , but i’m ok with myself and looking at hese models i Am concerned for their quality of life but also aware lots of them are just like my man – racehorses you can’t fatten if you try..

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Yes yes yes! There are two sides of the skinny coin, I am sure! And it’s not up to us to wonder if it’s heads or tails, but more to wonder about the WHOLE VALUE of said coin. (Look at me go, there!) Thanks for commenting, Sandie! x

  • Cate

    I know some women are naturally skinny, and perfectly healthy. But as someone who had an eating disorder for over 20 years, I can’t help thinking of all the awesome things all of us can do in one day. What we can think, learn, write,do etc etc. Being creative, writing articles, running businesses, helping others, being a good friend, nurturing and making plants grow, playing sport, whatever.

    To achieve these things we need a certain amount of energy and a certain amount of calories. This amount is probably different per person and a lot of us (me included) eat the wrong things at times and eat too much. Or eat too little. How can achieve all the things that make our lives meaningful, if all our attention and energy is based around how little we eat and what clothing size we are ?

    I have done lots of eating disorder therapy many years ago and I sometimes wondering if the (minimal) money spent in this area would be better used teaching women about their inherent value beyond their appearance and food intake. I sometimes think if I spent my teens working as a volunteer saving whales or what have you, I would have had less inclination to spend hours with my head over a toilet.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      I think you are SPOT ON! We need to work MORE to teach ‘women about their inherent value beyond their appearance and food intake’ Yes. And stopping this cycle of obsessive interest in other women’s bodies is a great place to start, too! Such an insightful comment. Thank you Cate!

  • FatMumSlim

    I’m overweight, always have been. I know what it’s like to be fat. Perhaps too well.

    When I was in high school I went through that awkward stage of hating my body, but one of my good friends was going through the same thing. Only things was, she was a size 6 and she didn’t want to be. Her nickname was ‘Sticksy’ because she was so thin. Oddly enough we found comfort in each other because we were going through the same thing.

    It’s a lesson I learnt early on. Don’t judge people on their body shape. Be gentle with everyone, because – no doubt – they’re fighting their own battle.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      YES. Everyone IS fighting their own battle. And it’s impossible to tell from the outside package, as much as we would like to assume it is. You are so right. Thank you, FatMumSlim! (Thank you Sticksy, too… even thought that is not your real name….) x

  • tara__louise

    i lost a huge amount of weight a year or so ago and dropped to just shy of 48kgs. a size 6 was swimming on me. it was nuts. this was completely unintentional and no i’m not anorexic – althought i did get this as a kid all the time! :) i was simply malnurished apparently thanks to a parasite i picked up while holidaying in brasil. i used to get people all the time say to me, “you really need to put some weight on you know!” . I was like, um yep, i’m trying!
    I understood that I looked very unwell and drawn and can understand the concern it put in those around me. but even being their size once, i just look at them and hope it’s been photoshopped or that it’s not intentional – it’s just not healthy to be that skinny! i’m skinny and i’m judging too :/ oops! :) all we should want is for people to be happy and healthy whatever their size.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      OMG. Probably some girls would be quite keen to meet your ‘friend from Brazil’. Sad but true.

      Regardless of that : “all we should want is for people to be happy and healthy whatever their size”

      Hear hear! Yes! xx

  • Georgina

    Thanks for writing this! I am one of those naturally skinny girls (although I think not for much longer, having just turned 30), and I wanted to add that although there is a lot of praise for being slim in the media, there is also a lot of negativity too. Whenever there is a larger (than size 0) model or celebrity on a magazine / movie / TV show there’s usually also lots of commentary that finally ‘real women’ are being portrayed. Does this indicate that as I do not have many curves and am naturally skinny that I am not a real woman?

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Georgina! You are REAL! WE are all real! Unless this is Doctor Who? I think it’s not! I think it’s REAL LIFE and we are all as REAL as each other! The media pit us against each other, but really we all are kinda keen on one another, whatever our size may be! Spread THAT around!! xx

  • raynor

    It’s hard not to judge isn’t it? Especially since people get such mixed messages from the media. One magazine will say “Too skinny?” and the next will say “Get your body ready for bikinis this summer!”. I’m what I like to call “festively plump” and I’ve been lots of sizes but never skinny. I think the pressure on guys though is a bit subtler, and I feel bad for all the overt attention put on women’s body sizes.

    I have lots of skinny friends, and they’re all different. I went prom dress shopping with one friend who tried on every size 0 dress we could find and they were all too big, but she was just a tiny lady, and very healthy. I can wrap my hand around another friend’s wrist because she suffered anorexia as a teenager and as a result parts of her body didn’t develop properly (she’s healthy now!). And regardless of what they look like they’re two of the loveliest people I’ve ever met. Everyone has a different story behind the body.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Oh yes! We are all our own TIMELINE! A lot of the stuff that we’ve been through is hidden, but for each of us, every pore is a reminder of who we are and where we’ve been. And we should be proud of those pores. I am so glad you are in our JustB community Raynor! I love hearing your point of view! (Esp yesterday on FB!!) x

  • Kylie

    I’m tiny. I always have been. I eat like a horse too (and, yes, my thyroid is fine). It’s just me. Yes, I guess I’m ‘lucky’ or whatever, but there’s a certain amount of judgement that comes with it.

    People (even those who know me) have been known to judge when I choose low-fat milk, or say ‘I shouldn’t eat this enire wheel of camembert’. They say things like ‘If I weighed what you do, I’d eat it all!’

    The thing is that appearance is NEVER an indicator of health. There is a history of high cholesterol and heart disease in my family. I inherited the cholesterol part of it, and if I’m not careful the heart disease will follow. My cholesterol borderline high a few years back (not because I ate BADLY, just because I had inherited it). I made some minor changes to my diet (low-fat milk and cheese, and dark chocolate instead of milk), and now it’s in the healthy range again.

    Some (I stress SOME, not all) people who get upset over fat-shaming tend to, at the same time, resort to skinny shaming. I’ve seen it happen many times. While I have NO idea at all what constant fat-shaming must be like (because it’s an awful, awful thing), skinny peeps shouldn’t be shamed either. Sure, many are skinny due to ill health or an eating disorder – just like many fat people are this way due to their lifestyle. However, in BOTH cases – fat and skinny – the majority are just who they are. No-one should be shamed for that.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      No one should be shamed for being WHO THEY ARE. You are correct! Isn’t it weird that we assume that a skinny person needs to eat more fatty food. Isn’t it horrible that some people feel the need to give their 2 cents worth regarding appropriate diet? I guess it probably stems from the best of intentions and being misinformed. But I know how hurtful it can be to be on the receiving end of body judgements. It’s never okay to judge. It’s great to CARE, but don’t assume that you know how someone else’s body works. Thank you so much for your comment, Kylie. xx

  • Reannon Hope

    I’ve commented over on FB but after reading the whole storey & the comments I just wanted to say that I do think it is ok to ask your friends/family if they are ok when you see they are getting beyond ” healthy” slim ( cause there is a difference ). This was how I ended up getting help for anorexia many many years ago. Friends started asking if I was ok because my clothes were literally hanging off me, my mum was worried that she could see too many bones on me & others had asked if I was unwell. Finally mum just out & out told me to go see our doctor & he said I was ok she’d let me be. The doctor did not say I was ok & I was surprised because I did not see myself how others were seeing me. At a tiny 44kg at aged 19 I finally got the help I needed. I couldn’t see it but thankfully others could.
    What I’m trying to say is if you are concerned someone is not looking after themselves speak up, it’s not judging if your doing it out of love. You may save a life.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Wow, Reannon. I had not thought of that. I wonder about the best way to do that…. It’s a bit of a minefield, isn’t it? I wonder if there are tell tale signs, apart from weight loss that we might look out for. I wonder what the best way IS to approach this tactfully, if it does seem to be an issue? x

      • Reannon Hope

        It is Pip because for a long time when people would say stuff I’d laugh it off or say “yeah I think I got the wrong size pants/skirt…” but after a while it got to be almost the first thing people would say to me. It wasnt until my mum found me at 5am doing sit ups that she knew things were not right & sat me down to talk about what was going in my head that I knew I needed to do something just to get her off my back. I actually asked the doctor to write her letter telling her I was healthy lol. When he told me things were not OK I knew I was in trouble. He actually said he wished he could remove all magzines that focus on apperance from young peoples lives as he believed it was a major factor in all eating disorders…….

        I think you know when something isnt right with a person, its in their eyes. I look back at photos from that time in my life & my eyes look hollow, sad & lost. I think asking questions, mindfully, & watching how behaviour changes is a big thing. I think the main thing is dont be afraid to talk to them about it, even if they dont want to talk, keep the dialogue open.

        • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

          Yes, Reannon. That makes sense. I think if you know someone very well, you know when the light has gone out of them. It’s important to notice what’s going on with the people we love. You are RIGHT. Thanks for your sensitive and useful comment. I am so glad you are in the JustB gang.x

  • Kay

    Eeek those magazines…. I think they are often so action packed with negativity, when I do my shop and gaze over the covers waiting in the line at the counter, I feel confused at how they sell so well. I used to buy a magazine called ‘Notebook’ purely because it wasn’t action packed with too skinny, to fat, negative gossipy hoohaa, it was filled with creativity and positivity. I myself am a thin mum of 3 and I confess, I look at people who are quite bony & silently hope they don’t suffer from an illness. I have seen people I have known and love battle eating disorders and its horrible. I have copped quite a few negative comments on being thin and I find them to be mostly harmless and often meant with a good dose of humour but the odd few comments that are a bit bellow the belt often really hurt. I just hope that one of these days the emphisis will shift from how we look, to how we are as people instead.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      It’s all about what’s inside, as lovely as some people are on the outside, too! I get that we all want to look our best, but we should do that without judging whether others are looking their best, shouldn’t we?! Thanks for telling it YOUR way, Kay! x

  • Angela

    I’m thin (but I wouldn’t say I’m super skinny) and I have had people tell me they want to “fatten me up” which just made me feel awkward. I also take offense to the often used lines that “real women have curves” or “men prefer women who aren’t skinny”. All of these types of comments not only judge women by their bodies, but also imply that as a quite thin lady, I am insufficient the way I am. Yet when I have weighed a bit more I’ve felt pressure to lose that weight and be thin again. At what weight will I be okay? I agree with all the others here who have said that we need to stop judging women based on their bodies. It’s very difficult to do in our image obsessed culture. I think discussions like this and many of your other articles celebrating great women for their personalities, creativity and cleverness, really helps to encourage us to stopping judging each other, and ourselves.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Angela, thank you. Thanks for you comment and thanks for reading too. You have given me an idea. I am going to start a PERSONALITY PLUS movement. It’s a bit like Lady Faves (an article I wrote here a wee while ago), but it’s about CELEBRATING ourselves! Thank you for the spark! We have PERSONALITY PLUS! And that’s not a euphemism for unattractive! xx p

  • http://www.facebook.com/YvonneAdele yvonneadele

    I am wondering if people simply judge the body type that THEY are not? It’s like a classic case of projection. We see in that other person all the things you don’t like about ourselves? All the things we are ‘happy we are not’… know what I mean?

    Or perhaps there is someone in our life who has the same sort of body shape or attitude as this random person we are judging.. perhaps we are taking it out on them? (transferring!?)

    I often read about women of a certain age (say around 50) who are so happy to not care about this stuff anymore and isn’t it funny that I’m sitting here at nearly 43 thinking how ace it will be to be 50 and think like that.

    But who’s stopping me from thinking like that today?

    Hello me!

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Hello YOU! Hello ME! Let’s just try to make friends with US. We are who we are. We are all rad in our own ways! Why must we obsess over our shape? We could be obsessing over so many other great things! Hello US! xx

  • Jackie

    I find it interesting the idea of assumptions especially around weight loss. My sister a few years ago couldn’t hold food down and went to a doctor. He assumed she was belemic because she was a young Uni student at the time. After then going to another doctor it turned out after some testing she was lactose intolerant. All while this went on she also had other women say how great she looked – in her very blunt manner she told them she was sick and that she just wanted to get better again. Now a few years on she manages it, is as healthy size 12 and is running marathons.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Yes, Jackie! Sometimes we DO tell women they look great, when they look super thin… without thinking about why they might be super thin. That’s the other side of the coin again, and it’s really important to think about that. I am thinking it’s probably best not to judge a person’s ‘beauty’ by their body at all. But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Argh. It is a minefield! x

  • littlechrissy

    I used to be one of those women. I was a size 6, but it was never through consciously deciding “I don’t want to eat”. I ate what I felt, when I felt. It just happened that I never had a huge appetite.
    I probably wasn’t enormously healthy – I smoked and drank and did no exercise – but I never, and I mean I NEVER, deliberately refused myself food because i wanted to live up to a media-influenced ideal.
    I was repeatedly the brunt of hurtful comments about my weight. People would not only comment to my face about how skinny I was, would ask if I was anorexic or had an eating disorder, told me I looked like a skeleton etc, but would comment behind my back in checkout lines and make the same “concerned” comments to my mum.
    Bullshit.
    They were never concerned. They were nosy and hoping there was something wrong with me so they could be justified in their disapproval of my size.
    Cut to 10 years later.
    I eat more now. No real reason, I’m just hungrier as I get older. I’m a size 10-12 (what on earth do clothing sizes mean anyway? None of them are consistent). I’ve never been healthier or happier, but I have friends now who comment on how I used to be so beautifully thin. Meaning now I am not. Not thin, not beautiful. I’m size 10-12. Seriously, this is something I should be upset about?
    For god’s sake we women are our own worst enemies. All my life I’ve been either too thin or too big. If we all stopped buying into this media-fuelled ideal of beauty then perhaps we would all be a bit happier and able to focus on what is important in life. Food is one of these things!
    Let us all make a pledge to stop buying these bullshit magazines that peddle unhappiness and erode our confidence in the hope it will make us dissatisfied enough with our lives that we will buy whatever the advertisers are spruiking on the opposite pages.
    Be healthy, smile, swim in the ocean, go bushwalking, play with your kids and bake a pie every now and then.
    If we ignore this bullshit weight debate it might just go away and we can get on with solving the real problems of the world.

    • http://www.meetmeatmikes.com Pip Lincolne

      Gosh, Chrissy. We are a judgey bunch at heart, if we are honest with ourselves. I agree with you, we must not perpetuate this cycle. We must not have an appetite for this kind of awful media nastiness. We really need to judge the mags, not other women, don’t we? Thanks so much for taking the time to write such a heartfelt and intelligent comment. x

  • Char

    I walked with one of my colleagues past one of my patients in the hospital corridor one day (I’m a physiotherapist) and my colleague said ‘that girl looks anorexic, she needs to put some weight on’. I thought, I might be one to usually agree – but in this case, I knew that the pretty but waiflike teen walking by wasn’t just visiting a relative. I told my colleague that the girl she had commented about had cystic fibrosis, and that unlike many teens, she was encouraged to eat fatty foods and had to have dietary supplements to keep weight on to stay healthy. We don’t always know the full story!