Life: Waist Not Want Not
My recent Workplace Health Check presented me with a dilemma. Should I lie to the nurse about how many standard drinks I had per week, knowing that she’d probably assume that everybody lies and therefore automatically add 20%? Or should I tell the truth, knowing the nurse would probably still assume I was lying and still add 20%? In other words, was it better to be liar in my own heart or an alcoholic in the nurse’s eyes?
When I posted this dilemma on Facebook, the responses ranged from “Turn up drunk and insist the answer is zero” to “Tell the truth. It will raise the national average and make the rest of us look good.” Both of these answers came from guys called Chris and yes, I’m sure that this is relevant in some way.
For the record, I told the nurse the truth. Her response? “These days, it’s recommended that women at risk of developing heart disease, type 2 diabetes and the black death should stick to one standard drink per day.” My response? “Ha!” And then “Whoever makes these recommendations never had small children or worked in the small-to-medium arts sector!”
And by the way, she didn’t actually say “the black death” but she may as well have. Admittedly, I was smarting from her telling me I had to lose ten centimetres off my waistline in order to be considered in the “healthy range”. Considering my (lack of) body shape, the only way I felt I could possibly do that was to have some ribs surgically removed or to apply elastic bands around my middle until I burst like a watermelon. It turns out that women with my (lack of) body shape *are* more at risk of developing a chronic disease. As if I wasn’t cursed enough by being genetically pre-disposed to walk the earth as an anemic Teletubby…
Still, I’m rising to the challenge, people. Now that spring has truly sprung, I’ve embarked upon a moderately ambitious eating, drinking and exercising plan over the next three months as part of the WorkHealth Coach program. This plan will either see me become slim(mer), trim(mer) and “Fabulous!!” or just end up lying my arse off to my WorkHealth nurse after all…
How about you? How are you greeting the spring this year?
The formerly fashionable NDM had three children and discovered that brown is the new black the hard way. The force behind the once-was-blog Not Drowning, Mothering, she now very occasionally writes for the sometimes-blog The NDM. In her spare time, she enjoys baking cakes, cyber-hassling advertising executives and collecting photos of unusual objects made out of paperclips.