What a Shocker!

I have a friend, (I think we’ve all got one) who is brutally blunt.  Insensitive words just roll off the tongue at the most inopportune moments.  And I don’t know why I let her get away with it.

Recently I was having a wonderful time at a Christmas party.  Wonderful not only because I was throwing back glasses of Croser bubbles but also because having had a vein lasered in my right leg, followed by ultra-sound guided sclerotherapy, followed by superficial sclerotherapy that included four weeks of compression stockings, I was now free of the pain, the bruises and the dreaded stockings and ready to reveal my new leg.

I went out and bought myself a brand new dress that was electrical blue and SHORT.  Well, not daringly short compared with my teenage daughter’s wardrobe but I was showing knees and a hint of thigh.

Feeling rather thrilled with myself I thought I was dazzling at the party but then my insensitive friend came up and said, (in front of a crowd of gob smacked witnesses), ‘I’m so glad you’ve finally had your legs done.  I used to feel so sorry for you when you were on stage doing your speaking engagements because the lights showed off your shocking veins so I’d always be thinking, ‘Poor Charlie, what shocking legs’.’

And the bubbles in my Croser went rather flat.

And she’d used the word ‘legs’ instead of ‘leg’.  It was just the one vein in the right leg that needed a bit of help.

So I stood there holding on to my flat sparkling and said, ‘No, it was just one leg’ and undeterred she replied, ‘Oh no Charlie, both your legs were shocking, absolutely shocking’.

I excused myself from her attack and went after more bubbles.  I took two – one for each hand.  But like a stalker she followed me.  Rambling on while I tried to busy myself with intense drinking she adding to my flatness with follow-up comments like, ‘Gee I felt sorry for you.  Such shocking legs.  I’m so glad you finally did something about it.’

And just so you know what sort of ‘shocker legs’ we’re talking about, here’s a photo of myself BEFORE the procedure that I posted on my blog.

I now felt rather silly in my thigh revealing dress and I didn’t want any more stalking so I asked my husband to drive me home.  And on the way home I remembered what she had said to me when I told her I was pregnant with my third child.  Yes, there is a 10-year gap between my second and third children but that’s not exactly remarkable or newsworthy.  Instead of saying, ‘Congratulations, when’s it due?’ she said, ‘What method of contraception failed you?’  And I was so shocked I blurted out the answer.  I was really disappointed with myself for that.

At the party, I don’t know why I didn’t hold my head high and say, ‘You’ve really offended me, my legs aren’t shocking, they’re as good as Elle MacPhersons and have you thought about getting treatment for your terrible cellulite?’

Like me, do you let women get away with making insensitive remarks?

It was disappointing to leave a party where the food was so fabulous.  Here’s one of the recipes:

Fruit ready to be dipped in meringue

Bombe Alaska Fruit Skewers:

Serves:  4

Degree of Difficulty:  2/5

Cost:  Inexpensive if you buy fruit in season

I wish I had taken video of how quickly these sticks disappeared.  There was a total frenzy.

• 100g (3 1/2oz) caster sugar
• 125g (4oz) eggwhite
• Squeeze of lemon
• 2 bananas
• 1 punnet strawberries
• 4 figs
• 4 bamboo skewers

To make meringue, over a pot with water for steam whisk sugar, eggwhites and lemon in a clean, grease-free bowl until thick and glossy.  Remove from heat.  Stand for 5 minutes to allow mixture to set slightly.

Cut bananas into cubes, figs into quarters.   Cut green tops off strawberries.  Skewer fruit pieces.  Dip in meringue.

Using a domestic blowtorch, caramelise meringue until golden brown and crisp.

Tips:  If you do not have a blowtorch, you can hold skewer, with tongs, over and open gas flame.

You can use handheld electric beaters to make the meringue if you prefer.

Recipe from Miguel’s Tapas.