One is a lonely number

Sometimes you feel lonelier being part of a group, than being alone. 

Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt insecure or excluded when in reality you should be feeling included and solid in the knowledge you are part of something?

I remember being at primary school and listening to a group of friends talking about a trip to the ice skating rink on the previous weekend. They were laughing about when one of them had fallen over on the ice in front of a boy in our class and talking about the new jeans one of the other girls had worn. When they saw me, they stopped talking and their faces dropped to the ground. I’d already heard enough. I smiled and pretended I didn’t hear them. And then when I went home I cried.

Ice skating alone isn't as fun. Photo: Pinterest

Recently a similar thing happened to me as an adult. It wasn’t the ice skating rink and I didn’t overhear anyone, but instead I saw photos on Facebook of a group of people at an event that I hadn’t been invited to. There was no malice, I had simply been (the only one) forgotten about. This time I told them how I felt and then I spent the rest of the night bawling like a baby. And by baby, I mean loud and raw. All those feelings of exclusion as a child or teenager were pushed to the surface. However, now the time has passed, I feel like the whole incident was quite positive. It’s taught me to move on. It’s taught me to deal with the moment and then let it go. Get on with life and don’t carry it around with me.

It’s also taught me that maybe I’m not good in a group, maybe I’m better on a individual level. One-on-one is better for me.

Why is it that groups sometimes bring out the high school in us? Our insecurities get pushed to the surface and for some people, the need to be part of a clique over rules their better judgement. It’s pretty inevitable that as time goes by splinter groups start breaking off and individual friendships are formed. At some stage there is often someone in “the group” left on the sidelines. I wonder if any of the women in the mug shots we showed recently felt disengaged from their group?!

Penguins hanging out. Photo: The Penguin Blog

What are your experiences of being part of a group? Do you ever feel excluded or do they make you feel safe? 

Do they ever feel contrived or hard work or do you think groups are a natural way for people to share their experiences and support each other?

Do you think that groups serve a purpose for a set time, before disbanding into smaller more manageable groups? What are your thoughts?

Have a fab day, Bianca x

Main photo: Pinterest