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Not all boobs have a good vibe

Written by
February 28, 2012
Be Happy
46 Comments

Here’s a little story. It’s the story of the pair of boobs that would have. If they could have.

It’s the story of the owner of said boobs: a mum, a goody-two-shoes, I’m-going-to-be-the-perfect-parent mum.

It’s the story of a mum who had read every baby book going round and believed that breastfeeding her baby would be the BEST thing for her baby.

It’s the story of a mum who had the best midwifery and lactation consultant support – in and out of hospital.

It’s the story of a mum who had the very “breast” of intentions when it came to feeding her baby but instead successfully starved all three of them.

It’s the story of a mum who’s still feeling guilty for that 16, 15 and six years on.

The mum is me. And you know what? I’ve had a boob-full of the guilt.

We’re big champions here at Justb. of the boob and its magical feeding powers.  They are wonderful, beautiful life-giving things.

When they they work.

When they don’t they just become another thing that mums should feel guilty about. And that’s just not on in my parenting book, which has now extended to a volume covering 16 and a half years.

This week Mia Freedman spoke up about when they don’t work and how “lactivists” can make women feel really bad about giving their babies formula. I was quietly cheering from the sidelines. Now author Tara Moss has weighed in against Mia.

TIME OUT PEOPLE.

Surely, the bigger picture here is that a baby is fed? That a baby is nourished and LOVED?

It still breaks my heart to remember back to my days of breastfeeding my eldest son, realising in hindsight that the cries that started immediately after a feed “finished” were not about colic or reflux but were actually him voicing his dismay that there was no more milk at the station.

All I wanted to do was give him nourishment and love. And I couldn’t even do that. What kind of mother was I?

I returned to part-time weekend work when he was three months old (yes, another thing to add to the mother guilt list). A girlfriend of mine who had had her first baby the month before also worked weekends. We did this so our husbands could do the babysitting.

Instead of a meal break, we’d tag each other for time in the sick bay, the only place available to pop out the breast pump and the breasts without freaking out the largely male staff.  My girlfriend would go in and be out in about 10 minutes with a full bottle of nature’s own.

Me? I’d be still pumping away after 30 minutes and lucky to have harvested 50ml.

Baby number two – my “darling” daughter was a reflux baby. The reflux came on Christmas Day and didn’t end till the very first dose of medication two months later (to this day if I hear that piercing reflux scream I will walk up to a mum and ask her if she’s asked her GP about reflux … no mum and baby should have to live with it).

Before we got to the oral drops medication, the midwife suggested trying a mixture that could be put in a bottle with a little bit of boiled water and given to my daughter at the end of her boob feed. That was enough of a muck around with her feeding less on my boob to muck up my already dodgy milk supply.

Baby number three. It’s 8.5 years later. I’m more chilled out. I can do this baby thing. They don’t die from screaming. You can have a shower and leave them out of your sight. Surely this time feeding is going to be a walk in the park, even a walk in the park with my boob hanging out.

And it was. To start with.

But within six weeks, the worried looks from the midwife who was doing the weekly weigh-ins would begin. I’d seen those looks before with baby 1 and 2.

The first week they’d offer up all the things you could try to increase your milk flow, which like a model student I’d go home and tearfully do, only to return the following week with an expectant look on my face to find that there had been no weight gain.

But wait. It gets worse.

This is how crazy/hormonal/delusional/desperate to breastfeed I was: before one of these weigh-in sessions I’d even left his full-of-wee nappy on in the hope that the weight of the nappy would bring on the weight that “should” be on the scales.

That’s how much I didn’t want to stop doing the one thing everyone told me would be natural and easy.

And yet, I was fast losing sight of the MOST important thing here: my baby’s health.

At the time, I needed someone to beam me a video from my children’s future. A video that showed they would grow into amazing humans. Humans I’m proud to have played some part in bringing them into this world. Humans who are healthy and happy.

Maybe my story is similar to your story? I believe all our baby feeding stories need to be told. Not just the ones that are deemed “good” by the people who were lucky (and I do believe they were lucky) enough to be able to breastfeed.

Parenthood is such a tricky path to navigate. Guilt is ready to jump out at you around every corner.

Let’s put an end to the guilt over how we CHOOSE to or NEED to feed our babies. Let’s just feed them.

Babies like that.

PS. That man feeding a baby at the top of this post? Sorry to tease but here’s the full photo – I found it here. Your welcome ;)

ryan gosling feeding a baby

Ryan Gosling feeding a baby on the set of The Place Beyond the Pines

Did you have trouble feeding? Did you feel guilty about giving your baby a bottle? What’s your baby feeding story? 

PS. If you are having trouble feeding, talk to someone – a midwife or a counseller at the Australian Breastfeeding Association.
 
  • http://twitter.com/BenisonAnne Benison O’Reilly

    Good on you Nikki. Speak up!  I feel very strongly about this point, as I have co-written a book about postnatal depression and know how many women point to their struggle with breast feeding as a trigger for their PND.  Attitudes don’t develop in a vacuum. They are made to feel they’ve ‘failed’ by others.

    For the record I found breast feeding easy. In other words I was lucky, that’s all. 

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Oh, Benison, I’m really glad you’ve written such a book. I was LUCKY that mine wasn’t a trigger for PND. Very lucky. I can so see how I could easily be the case.

  • Lizzie

    Just a quick comment, but i think if you read Tara’s response you’ll find that its not “weighing in against Mia” but correcting some of the many factual errors in her blog.  Women who breastfeed successfully aren’t just “lucky”.  Many of us strive incredibly hard to be able to feed our children and to simply say that we’re lucky demeans our hard work.  
    Breast-feeding isn’t something that comes with luck.  Its something that, as a society, we’ve lost the ability to do because it has lost its ‘normalcy’.  When it is even an issue where we feed or whether we can have photos of us feeding our children, that is where we’re going wrong.  The reality is that the vast majority of women can successfully feed their children.  Breastfeeding isn’t best, its natural.  Formula isn’t and yes, there are some (such as you) who can’t feed  but to say that this is the reason that feeding rates across the country is misguided.  The more we, and our children see it, the more support we have, the longer we are able to stay in hospital until feeding has been established, breastfeeding will again become normalised and then hopefully we wont even have to have this so-called ‘debate” because ultimately it is an issue that affects all mums.  

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Lizzie, it is hard work but not everyone who works hard at it succeeds. If I’ve helped one woman today by telling my story then I’ve done a GOOD thing. I’m ridiculously pro-breastfeeding (as you would have been able to see by my post) but I’m even more pro-babyfeeding. So that babies are nourished and grow.

      • Lyn

        Thanks Nikki. I was in the same boat as you. Nothing worked to increase my supply. I was on medication feeding my newborn an hour each feed then expressing after he was finished to increase supply it never worked. And I worked darn hard and had no choice but to feed my child. I was an emotional wreck. Thanks for writing this.

  • christine

    I”M A PROUD BOTTLEFEEDING MUM OF 4 wonderful happy healthy children who are no different to anyone else’s child.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Funny that – they don’t look any different ;)

  • Jayde~Little Paper Lane

    I have a brain to boob malfunction…..basically it means my head cant get around the idea of me personally breastfeeding. and not many people understand it…If i try to explain, they just tell me to ‘try it’ it will be so different when you ‘try it’…..What they dont realise is that i was not sleeping, and seeing councilers/drs regularly to try and ‘convince’ me to breastfeed basically!  I had so much anxiety about doing it that i was making myself sick, and it wasnt until i chatted to my mum about it with a midwife and they said it was my choice to not breastfeed, that i felt a little shed of light! People still dont understand how i couldnt breastfeed simply cos my head wouldnt let me, when my boobs probably could have done the job! I am pregnant again and again i have gone through the same anxieties…we are not talking little mild anxieties either, i have an anxiety disorder that i have quite under control, until i start tryng to convince myself to breastfeed and the panic attacks start….and u cant take Xanax or valium when pregnant so its not a nice thing to try and calm down from. But…when i had a chat to my midwife about it, she said that if i was going to just have major panic attacks and anxiety the whole time trying to feed my baby, the baby will feel this anxiety and you could give yoruself problems anyway! Bottle is best for our family. I also have physical problems from pregnancy. I was on crutches for the first tow months after birth and couldnt walk well, which has escalated this pregnancy and is much worse, so it was actually so nice being able to have my husband and my anxious free head in the middle of the night jumping up to help feed our calm little man. No matter what though, i feel guilty, and i am really sensitive about it and feel like i have to defend myself so much. A lady made me cry in the supermarket once cos i was buying formula. I had just been to physio and was on one crutch cos i couldnt push the pram with both and in so much pain and she told me i was poisoning my child….I wish she did it when i wasnt in so much pain and my baby wasnt 7 weeks old cos i would have tried to stick up for myself. But being a new mum is hard…as long as our bubbies get fed and we love them i wish people would stop making me feel like such a bad mum when i try my very hardest to be a good mum! 

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Thanks for sharing YOUR story Jayde. It’s an important one. Anxiety is very real and we all need to understand that. Our babies need to be fed, whatever way works for the mum and the bub.

  • Kylie

    I’m not sure why everyone thinks it’s an either/or situation. There’s no reason you couldn’t have done combined feeding but no one really talks about that.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      I actually did combined feeding with all three of mine up to six months of age – that’s how determined I was to make it work somehow.

  • Reannonhope

    Nikki I was 2 weeks shy of 21 when my first bun arrived. Try as I may my boobs could not keep up with him. I tried everything everyone told me to do. It all came to a head 7 weeks later when at 9pm I gave him a bottle with tears in my eyes. I thought I was a failure. I thought everyone would judge me. I thought I was doing something wrong. He thrived & after a little while so did I.

    Second time around from day one we had problems. Thank god I had a midwife in the hospital that was totally non judgmental. When I told her I would probably end up bottle feeding him at home she said ” let’s just do it now & save all the stress.”. Yes I felt like a big fat failure again but it lasted less. I had a 3 year old that was proof everything would be ok.

    If I’m ever lucky enough to have another baby of course I’ll try again with breast feeding but if my otherwise great boobs let me down again it’s no biggie, I’ll get over it.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Reannon it isn’t a biggie but boy oh boy it’s a biggie at the time – especially with that first bubba. I’ve got tears thinking about your tears as I had them too. x

      • Reannonhope

        Your so right Nikki ! At the time it felt HUGE, it was all I could think about & felt I had to explain myself to EVERYONE!! Only now, looking back can I say it’s no biggie. Only now, with two healthy boys, can I say it’s no biggie. Only now, that I’ve fought so many battles as a mum, can I say it’s no biggie. Only now, when I have other things that lead to my mother guilt, can I say it’s no biggie. But at THAT moment it was a HUGE DEAL!!!

  • Jennie

    Thank you for writing this!
    I also am so impressed when I hear of someone who breast fed successfully.

    Our first daughter would scream when she was put near my breast,
    and would not even try to latch on. But it was even worse with our second daughter.

    At 4 days old she was throwing up big blood clots. Turns out she was sucking 
    so hard that she was sucking blood from me. (not from cracked nipples – from inside!) So I was expressing pink milk. I new it hurt but I didn’t know any different. Because of her sucking so hard I got mastitus which quickly turned to 2 huge abscesses on my breast.

    The pain was indescribable, they operated and cut from one to the other. The next day with padding sticking out of my bleeding boob, the lactation consultant told me that I’d be breastfeeding from there in a weeks time…!
    That sort of pressure is just not on. 
    I ended up expressing from the other one, just to get some of my milk
    into her. The thought of breastfeeding puts me off ever having another child I’m afraid. We are happy with our two beautiful girls!!x

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Oh god Jennie … thanks for sharing your story. That’s horrific. But you know what? You’ve probably helped someone else who doesn’t know any different right now. That’s the thing. There is not one big book of rules and guidelines handed out with your baby at birth. The pair of you are a new team and not everything works to the rules!

    • selina harding

       That is just horrifying. As if childbirth isn’t bad enough!

    • Tracey Morgan

      Jennie, I too had mastitis which quickly (while taking antibiotics for the infection) became an abscess (only one thankfully, that was enough). When I finally went into emergency I was very ill. Surgery, three days in hospital without my 10 day old daughter, hand expressing my affected breast (incorrectly told the mastitis would return otherwise), visits to the GP every two days to have my wound cleaned and dressed and three weeks of high dose antibiotics to completely kill the infection. My first breast feeding experience … not so great.

      Aside from the health issues, I felt very disconnected from my girl, and wonder still if it has done any long term ‘damage’ to our relationship.

      With my son I gave up as soon as my breasts became engorged, I just couldn’t take the risk of a repeat experience. My kids are 7 and 4, they seem happy and healthy.

      I tried to breastfeed … hard! That people who don’t know me feel the right to tell me what I should be doing … how I should feed my child … question my mothering intentions. Well, it’s made me angry, but really, it just hurts. Because, I LOVE MY KIDS and I would do anything for them, anything.

      Anyway, I’m not sure this issue will ever be resolved. Parenting and the decisions made whilst parenting seem to elicit very strong opinions and passionate responses. For me, I say love your kids, love your kids, love your kids … and make the best decisions you can for YOUR family … and respect other women enough to let them make their own decisions.

      Thanks Nikki for raising awareness … and best wishes to you Jennie.

  • edenland

    I …. had amazing things to add to this wonderful post … but … RYAN GOSLING.

    *Ahem*

    My god I relate, Nikki. I love the honesty of this post! I tried everything .. fenugreek, weird herbs, Maxalon. All to increase my supply, all failed. I did not have enough milk for my guyos. It did not kill them to be on formula … I actually liked reclaiming my body, too.

    XX

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      I even drank Guinness. Had acupuncture. Everything. 
      How hot does Mr Gosling look? … ummm … yes.

  • http://twitter.com/Tara_Moss Tara Moss

    Dear Nikki,
    Thank you for your post and for sharing your story. I feel I should mention that I did not weigh in ‘against Mia’, but rather I felt it important as BFHI patron to explain the BFHI program and the reasons why it is important, as Mia referred to it in her column – which is read by a lot of people – but she had a few facts mixed up. As I mentioned in my letter to her, I myself used formula in the early weeks and I did have problems with breastfeeding before things improved. I did not and do not feel guilty about that and nor should anyone else. (I also do not feel guilty about returning to work.) 
    I have seen unfair judgement against parents, usually mothers, on every topic from clothing choices, to money spent on prams, to using nannies. That is sad and it disappoints me every time. 
    Breastfeeding is important and it is what the vast majority of women aim for. The BFHI program is designed to support those women and to improve health outcomes for babies and mothers, regardless of whether they are able to successfully breastfeed or not. Guilt and judgement have nothing to do with it. I wrote my letter to try to outline those issues and I am sorry if you felt I failed in getting that across.
    Enjoy those beautiful children.
    Best wishes,
    Tara

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Hi there Tara (love your books by the way). I’m all for the BFHI program. My kids were all born at a hospital which is not classified as such. The program wasn’t introduced for the first two who are now teenagers. Regardless, the midwifes were exceptional and I had the very best start that a mother could hope for. 
      My body just let me down and I wanted to share my story as I know I’m not alone but when you are a first time mum you do feel alone and sleep deprived and concerned you’re a failure because you’re stuffing up the thing everyone said you had to do so that your baby thrived.

      I aimed three times to fully breastfeed my babies and did so until they failed to thrive, at which point I comp fed them all till 6 months of age. 

      It’s difficult not to feel that guilt and that judgement when the majority are very vocal – and the ones who find breastfeeding easy not supportive or understanding that it might just not be the case for others.

      It’s super good to talk about it though – my aim is that we continue to reach a point where mothers don’t judge each others choices in parenting. Long way to go with that one.

      • http://twitter.com/Tara_Moss Tara Moss

        Thanks for sharing your story, Nikki. Support and understanding are so important. Bullying is never okay.
        I was lucky that the midwives and community nurse who helped me through the tough times were truly exceptional, (Those women deserve badges/trophies/a parade!) but unfortunately I had some terrible advice and inappropriate comments from others. My daughter was prescribed formula ‘top-ups’ in the non-BFHI hospital where I gave birth. She vomited, didn’t sleep, cried constantly, had skin rashes. She failed to thrive and I was made to question my milk supply, and more formula was prescribed. As it turns out she has a dairy allergy and was reacting to the formula. It shouldn’t have happened that way – her first six weeks of life did not need to be so hard – but we got through with the right support and she is doing beautifully now.The aim is to have the right support there from the start so that women don’t suffer unnecessary set backs. The BFHI program is an excellent one and I sincerely hope it will help mothers and babies. They deserve it. x 

  • Greta

    I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want to breastfeed, but I know too many women who went to enormous lengths to try and make it work and then felt bad for months/years afterwards when it didn’t. Newborns are exhausting enough when everything goes right, my heart goes out to anyone who has to deal with feeding problems too.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Oh Greta … bless your cotton socks. This is exactly what we need to remember.

  • Jane

    Thank you for writing your story. I also planned to breastfeed my babies, but then discovered I had “display model” boobs. I tried to breastfeed for two months with my first baby. In the hospital I began expressing 6 times a day and taking Motillium. The midwives would even feed formula down a tube under a nipple shield so that my baby was stimulating my breasts. 
    I went home and continued trying. Every feed I would put my hungry baby to my breast where he would suck as hard as he could, and scream as loudly as he could because he was still starving. Then my husband would give him a bottle of expressed bm (60ml was the best I ever managed) and formula while I sat and expressed a few more drops over the next 30-45 mins. An hour or so later we would start the whole process again.It was an awful experience. Made far worse by people – some I knew, and some I didn’t – making awful statements, usually about me being ‘selfish’ or telling me that I wouldn’t bond with my baby. When I had my second baby I was told by a lactation consultant I had a 50/50 chance of the same thing happening. But I wanted to try again. I really did want to breastfeed. I tried again. But not for as long this time. I just didn’t have all day to do nothing but feed and express – not with a very active 3 year old as well. I moved onto formula and I had lovely times with my second son where I would feed him a bottle and we’d stare at each other. I was relaxed. He was full and happy. I didn’t have that with my first baby. I now resent losing that time with him. And the fact that he had such a stressed out, guilt-ridden mother for the first few months. I would like to say that all the midwives at the hospital where I had both my children were wonderful. As were the lactation consultants. None of them ever pressured me to continue trying to breastfeed. The pressure I felt was from ‘society’. I would open the tv guide and there would be an ad across the page telling me breastfeeding was best. I’d go to the toilet in a shopping centre, and there’d be a huge poster on the back of the door. A checkout operator half my age would lecture me on breastfeeding. You don’t realise it until you can’t do it, but the pressure is everywhere. Everyone asks you about it. As a 41 year old first time mother I felt it enormously. I hate to think how some younger and more vulnerable mothers must feel. 
    This was going to be a short comment, and it hasn’t turned out that way. But again, thank you for sharing your experience. 

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Oh Jane, I’m crying as I’m reading this. Thanks for YOUR story. Mums and babies are not cookie cutter versions of each other. We all need to respect that. I’m sure you’ve helped someone today with your sharing.

  • Donna @ NappyDaze

    I am so happy to read this Nikki.  As someone who put herself under immense pressure to breastfeed (especially after my labour went so wrong) and then failed at that I was a wreck.  Midwives, strangers (especially one who made me cry for about a week with her cruel comment), even some friends all weighed in at one time of another to express their disdain at my formula feeding my son.   

    These people who are so quick to judge and hop up on their high horse really have no idea what they are doing to already fragile minds who are struggling to reconcile with the fact they cant do what is apparently best for their child. I am sick to my back teeth reading about people who say breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, that our bodies are designed to do this. Sure they are meant to be designed to give birth naturally as well but that doesnt always happen and there isnt nearly as much stigma in that arena.Truth is, this issue is not a “one size fits all” approach. And like you, I’m pro-feeding and also pro-sanity.  I was about to lose mine if I didn’t make the switch.  And you know what, despite the fact I felt society was judging me, within myself I actually began to finally bond with my son; something that had been missing during the tussle with breastfeeding.  And that made all the difference in the end.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Oh Donna … I now remember and commenting on a post you wrote about this, didn’t I? Pro-sanity when you’re a new mum is the post important thing. Thanks for sharing your story here too. x

  • Katrinahigham

    I am a mum of a two week old gorgeous girl, and I have made the choice of breast and bottle because like you Nikki I don’t have enough milk despite being hooked up to the machine most days. She is so much happier and despite the unwarranted guilt from the “cant” stigma, she hasn’t grown two heads yet and is not as much of a nightmare because she isn’t starving!

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Oh Katrina, congrats to you and your gorgeous girl finding your way together. I hope this post and other people’s stories below help to push the stupid guilt to one side. Enjoy the time – it goes so quickly x

  • Kerri

    Your story could have been mine except I stopped at two children. Killed me that I couldn’t solely breastfeed either of my kids……tried everything. And what made it worse was that no-one understood why I was so upset by it…..I didn’t want people to say something to make me feel better, I wanted someone to say how horrible it was.
    Still get sort of teary when I see someone breastfeeding (and more than a little jealous!) :(
    Bloody boobs!

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Bloody boobs. Bloody shop display boobs. I’ve been getting teary reading everyone’s stories here today. Sorry for yours too. x

  • Magdalena

    Good on you for writing this post Nikki. I have NOT read any of the ‘Mia’ or ‘Tara’ comments as I try to stay away from the arguments pro and for and similarly I have not and will not read the comments on this post. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and some people can get very vicious about this subject. I am not interested in concerning myself with the thoughts and forcefulness of others.
    I like you breast-fed my first baby and ran out of milk when my son was 3 months old. Although I’m sure I ran out earlier and just mistook his lack of sleep and screaming for something else much more sinister.  I am now pregnant with number 2 (my son is now 6 yrs old) and hoping that I can make it work better/longer this time, but I’m not going to stress myself out about it if it all goes pear shaped. I’m of the same thinking as you – as long as my baby is getting fed (weather that be breast of formula), I’m confident that I’ve done my job as a mother. End of story. Nothing more, nothing less.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Thanks Magdalena … and you can be assured that the comments here are all beautiful – from women like you and I who have not had the “natural” experience we had hoped for. It’s comforting to talk openly about it. Thanks for sharing your story and enjoy your pregnancy. 

  • selina harding

    Thanks for this post Nikki, I think more people need to hear these sorts of experiences. I was 22 when I had my daughter. I have serious medical conditions  and had always been told I may never have children and if I did in fact fall pregnant I may lose the baby, or severely shorten my life. So when we found out I was pregnant I was kind of heading into unknown territory and had to find out information myself to get me and my child through it. I have a very hard time keeping weight on myself, and have many medications to stay in good health so one concern I had was of course feeding. Breastfeeding burns 1000 calories a day and that was something I could not afford to lose. I researched, agonised, and decided with advice from dieticians and doctors that bottlefeeding from day 1 was going to be best for me, and ultimately my child. I was questioned by midwives and made to feel less of a woman, but stuck to my guns. We always held her when we fed her, never propped up the bottle or sent her to bed with a bottle, I do believe this makes a difference.

    Almost 15 years later, I have a healthy, kind, considerate, intelligent child. She does not have asthma, is not overweight, has never had any learning difficulties and is very rarely, if ever, sick. I often feel vindicated in my decision when I hear all the “research” that shows how much better off babies are when breastfed, as my child never had a single drop of breastmilk.  I do believe that breast is best, if it works for you, but we should never be made to feel guilty about our choices.

    • Jennie

      I think anybody struggling to feed should read this.
      We all need this hindsight, not pressure from those who 
      don’t understand.

      • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

        We do need this Jennie – that’s why I wrote the post. Unless you’ve been through this struggle you don’t understand how it is. Like lots of other things relating to parenting, the more we share and are honest about our own issues, the more we can help others find their answers and support where necessary.

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Selina, thanks for sharing YOUR story. No-one except a person’s GP knows what’s going on behind the decisions you make over things like this – that’s why we can never judge. Mostly we never know the full story. I have a 15-year-old too – so very proud of who they have become.

  • Janet Camilleri

    Very similar to my story …

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      Good to tell it Janet x

  • Jade

    Oh man I just had tears pouring down my face!
    I failed with my first and I did I failed not because I had no milk but it hurt and only those who have felt the pain will ever understand it
    I tried and tried and persisted with my second, I ended up breastfeeding her for 22months
    But I also had post natal depression she wanted me ALL the time she didn’t want a dummy she didn’t want a bottle just me if I went out anywhere I had to be back within an hour or two for her it was the worst time of my life
    Baby #3 came along 6yrs later *he’s 5months now*
    I tried so hard to stick with it but how can you stick with it when you have a deep flesh wound from the top of your nipple down to the bottom and how you can’t feed off that breat because doing anything with it opened it up *expressing or feeding*
    I had to stop again because of the pain at the end of it I was sitting there in the dark at 3am sobbing it hurt so much
    Like I said he’s now 5months old and very chubby and loves his bottles and I have freedom tiny it of freedom but it’s enough to keep me from going crazy lol
    So I agree breast is to best breast is natural but a happy and healthy mum and bub is best :)

  • Tanyab

    Thank you for this. I have breast fed both my babes and am glad I could. But when my first was 5weeks old and I needed to top him up with formula for a few weeks. The shame I felt was akin to me feeding him poison. It shouldn’t have been. I now know I was doing my best by him. No new mum with good intentions should have to feel this way.

  • Denise

    Finally a story about failed breast feeding! Me too and i felt like such a failure…..i couldn’t do something starving women in Africa could do! Thank you so much! :)

    • http://www.justbaustralia.com.au/ Nikki @ Justb.

      My pleasure – lots of stories in the comments here too. They need to be told!

  • Lhw6

    Thank you Nikki. I tried everything, including medication, but nothing worked. As an older first time mother it was absolutely devastating to not be able to feed my baby naturally . I felt like an absolute failure when my baby was crying after feeding and not gaining weight. Unfortunately there are a lot of competitive mothers who like to make others feel bad, rather than offering support and understanding. Thank you, and Mia, for bringing attention to what is a common occurrence, and helping others to hold their heads up high, instead of hiding.