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Family : Curse Of The Yummy Mummy?

Written by
April 19, 2012
Be Happy
52 Comments

I’m not the biggest fan of the term ‘Yummy Mummy’. I’ve got mixed feelings. It’s like Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’, I want to like that song, I do (for when I throw myself a pity party.) But it’s Celine Dion, and she once wore a back-to-front tuxedo. You know?!

Yummy Mummy, for me, belies that notion that once women have a baby they are tainted. They are out-of-favour. That mums are no longer expected to be presentable, fine upstanding members of society. Almost like mums become B-grade.

‘Yummy Mummy’ is like a surprise award. Surprise! You’re a Yummy Mummy! You made it through the ranks of all the less yummy, less desirable mums, and here, here’s your badge to stick on your still-perky chest. And PS – we’re surprised you still have perky breasts because, well, you’re a mum! The term breeds the totally unfeasible notion that mums are meant to be Betty Draper perfect at the drop of a hat.

I know that Yummy Mummy is meant as a compliment, but I can’t help but feel it adds yet another layer of pressure on women to bounce right back after childbirth.  To be glowing, wonderful, slim and just downright yummy. That’s not how it happens. Not for me anyway. I gained 20kgs over the course of my pregnancies and thankfully my (very smart) midwife told me: ‘It took 10 months to put that weight on, it will take 10 months to come back off’.

In the first six weeks postpartum I rarely got out of my pyjamas. I never applied make-up. I was lucky to drag a brush through my hair. Newborn number one just slayed me. What a rude awakening that was! I remember ringing my mum and asking why she didn’t tell me it was so doggone hard. Her response? ‘You would never have had a baby if I did’. Ain’t that the truth. (And we didn’t even talk about the cellulite side of things.)

In those early days I remember changing my outfit seven times before it was even lunch time, working my way through my wardrobe, until I resorted to my husband’s clothes, because our son kept vomiting on me. Stay classy, Lexi. I was not a Yummy Mummy. I had no aspirations to be one either. I was at home, doing the best I could, learning as much as I could about my baby, struggling to breastfeed, adjusting to life with a wee newborn, and the torture of night waking through the thick of Winter. That pressure to bounce back and be a ‘yummy mummy’ was just another thing to add to my list. I vividly remember the shame of catching up with some of my single friends and feeling embarrassed by myself. On the flipside, a comment my husband made back in those early days has always stuck with me.  He candidly said that seeing a tired mum was a beautiful thing because she’s so besotted, and full of love, and so blissfully exhausted (well it doesn’t feel blissful, but it’s romantic, no?)

He’s a keeper.

With hindsight close by my side, I look at those new celebrity mums in the spotlight and I feel for them. Yes they might have a charmed life with help on call, but it’s not easy being under the watchful gaze of the media, being compared to others who shake off their baby weight as soon as they start breastfeeding (I didn’t, and I don’t perpetuate that thought either, it doesn’t work for everyone). Who’d want to be straight back into the gym the minute you put baby down? Not me. Not for quids.

If you’re a mummy, no matter what your little person thinks you’re positively yummy.  And that’s what matters. (Even if you have those days when you’re covered in vomit, snot or domestic detritus.) And don’t get me started on the MILFs.

How is it (was it) for you? Was having a baby a rude awakening for you? Or perhaps you took it all in your stride, like a duck to water? Do you feel pressure to be a yummy mummy?

Pottymouthmama’s Lexi is the Sydney based mother of two rad kidlets. She works, tweets, blogs, pins and is advocate of the robot dance.

  • http://twitter.com/ruthbruten GourmetGirlfriend

    you totes rock my socks Lexi.
    Agree 100%…..well except for the trying to like Celine bit. 
    And OH MY your hubby…….. xx

    • pottymouthmama

      I know you LOVE Celine. And her camel toe.

  • The Camera Chronicles

    I’m no yummy mummy, by any stretch of the imagination! But you’re right when you say that our children think we are positively yummy! They don’t see muffin tops and wobbly bellies, they see their cuddly mum <3

    • pottymouthmama

      It’s true isn’t it?! And that’s what’s the most important – to put an emphasis on family and relationships rather than how we look and whether we stack up. It’s not a mother flipping competition!

  • http://www.cheandfidel.blogspot.com/ Jodi

    I wholeheartedly agree Lexi – I can’t stand the term. It only places pressure and adds to the stress. I love that your midwife told you it would take 10 months for you to lose the weight – I tell me students it takes a year. And even then, your body is never the same. It’s not supposed to be. x

  • Fionajacob1

    I bounced back after my 1st, and my 2nd, but my 3rd in 5 years was the straw that broke the camels back.. 4 years later I am 20 kg heavier (still), wearing pajama’s at 9am (and no its not sunday) and wondering why mum didn’t tell me it was going to be so gosh darn hard.

    • lexlou

      Fiona – I LOVE wearing my pyjamas. I celebrate pyjamas. I am in them as long as possible. I am all about comfort baby!

  • Shezza8

    I’m covered in hormonal acne! :-( not very glamorous, but my beautiful daughter does not know that!

  • lexlou

    She doesn’t give two hoots Shezza! She loves you as you are – and that’s the best thing about being a mum. Unconditional love that goes ’round and ’round and ’round!

  • lexlou

    My commenting is going awry. Sorry peeps!

  • Tanya

    I’m always surprised at people who ruin a perfectly good compliment of “You look great…” by adding “…for someone who has had two kids.”

    • pottymouthmama

      I get: “But you don’t look like a mum”. It makes me a bit irate. What exactly do mums look like?!

      • Kcavanough

        I have had that comment ( that i don’t look like a mum) thrown at me to. My first gut instinct was to think Oh no what I am doing wrong, Why don’t I look like a mother. After thinking about it I came to the same conclusion. What are we mums supposed to look like?

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1599503946 Sylvia Davey

           next time someone gives you that you don’t look like a mum comment, ask them what does a mum look like exactly

          • pottymouthmama

            I do do that, and then they are stumped.

          • Tali Ingram

             I get that one too Lexi. It’s always puzzled me…It’s as if all the things that made you YOU should disappear and be replaced by MUM things. And if you show the YOU things it’s a shock!

  • Nicole Lindsay

    Most new mothers look gloriously sexy and yummy no matter how exhausted and wrecked they feel. It’s the hormones that do it.
    I was 22 when I had my first and it was pretty sweet and I bounced back fairly quickly and was quite smug. I had twins four years later and that was a terrible shock and I felt awful and depressed for months. The photos, however, show that I looked absolutely fantastic.
    I was most definitely a yummy mummy but not through any of my own actions – just the glory of hormones. And you probably all do too. Stop being so hard on yourselves.

  • Elisha03_25

    Becoming a mum was a bit of a shock for me don’t get me wrong I didn’t for a second think it would be easy but like many others no one told me how hard it would be. Well ok maybe they did but I didn’t quiet believe their exaggerations, oh how wrong I was. Being someone who was a size 6 when I fell pregnant and putting 20kgs on during my pregnancy I struggled and still do with my post baby body. The endless pictures of all the celebrity mums and a few lucky friends who just seem to pop out a baby and look the same if not more gorgeous than they did before, does nothing for my self esteem. By the time my little munchkin reached one I was back into working full time and struggle to find any time for me trying to keep a far from perfect but clean and mostly tidy house. That in itself is no mean feat considering I am a home based educator and having 4 children under two running around ten hours a day doesn’t exactly make for a tidy house. Still we all do the best we can and sometimes just need to be reminded that no one is perfect despite how they appear and not everyone is as lucky to be a mum as we are and that is the most wonderful experience of being a woman bringing new life into the world.

    • pottymouthmama

      Hellz – it is SO true. No one is perfect, even if they perpetuate that ‘look’. What I have learnt is that everyone has their own challenges, their own struggles – no one’s life is smooth sailing. My house is a mess, I work four days a week, and I *try* to make time for myself – but sometimes it doesn’t happen. And that’s ok.
      I also struggled with my post-baby body – I was a stick-insect pre babies, but then I finally started to try and re-program my attitude to myself. That my body has done these amazing, powerful things, and that it was ok. That I was ok. And to revel in not being the same as other women – that there’s a celebration in difference.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=601478707 Brittany Psaras

    I had barely turned 17 when I had my 1st child and not even 20 by the time I had my 3rd. I bounced back the day I had my children, back in the same jeans. I still get the ‘You look amazing… for 3 kids!’ I HATE it! It shouldn’t matter how many kids I have to how ‘good’ I should look. I also loathe celebrity mums that have a baby and are back working in what seems like a week. Too many women are having children for the tick in the box.

    • pottymouthmama

      It’s totes cray cray, isn’t it?! 

  • jaime

    Absolutely 100% the truth Lexi…….beautifully written!

    • pottymouthmama

      Aww thanks Jaime – sometimes it’s scary putting it out there, but heck, I believe in this, so it’s worth casting the net out. x

  • Tanya

    I think with celebrity mums we have to keep in mind that many are back in shape quickly because they feel it’s their job to be, or that their livelihood depends on it. They might go back to the gym with the same mindset that a corporate mum goes back to the office (even if it’s just a few hours a week) – to ‘keep a hand in’. They also avoid having photos taken that show the more usual post-baby body for fear of ‘damaging their brand/image’. For women in the spotlight/TV media, being judged on their looks is unfortunately something they have to live with. This will continue in our culture as long as female celebrities & TV journos are judged/valued more for their beauty and bodies than their brains. And it’s completely different for their male counterparts.

  • http://profiles.google.com/joni.llanora Joni Ibarra

    I didn’t struggle post pregnancy with weight & all. But when we migrated to Melbourne, when I had to do everything by myself, that’s when I had troubles with my self-esteem, lost control & gained weight. And the city was def full of yummy mummies.

  • http://www.theveggiemama.com Veggie Mama

    SO much domestic detritus haha. My hair is like a magnet for it xx

    • pottymouthmama

      My clothes are a magnet. I turn up to work covered in dust bunnies. Stay classy Lexi. 

  • Amanda

    I totally see where your issues would come from and how insecurities can cause a genuine term like yummy mummy to be misconstrued.  I would like to share my take on this saying.

    I own a wholesale and retail maternity wear distribution house. Everyday we meet, speak and so often counsel expectant mums and new mums who struggle with self esteem, in particular their sense of being a desirable woman simultaneous to being a mum. They have great difficulty looking at themselves in the mirror and seeing a beautiful, smart, desirable, independent  thinking, feeling… woman. They see a mum, wife, partner, milk station, need to lose kilos, need to find their sexual mojo, need to return to work etc… the list really is a mile long…. note: WOMAN isn’t in that list. It should be the first thing to notice. All other facets are a result of being that fabulous woman that you are. 

    If that saying were to be “yummy woman with child”, then perhaps it would really say what it is meant to be… Doesn’t really rhyme though and more importantly why not give accolade where it is due.  Every mark, kilo, pull, wrinkle, grey hair etc is a badge of honor and has been earnt and should be celebrated. Why not compliment in a term that reminds us that not only are you a desirable beautiful capable woman, but have achieved the number one best thing life can give…. a beautiful new LIFE! 

    I have two children under 3. I have jelly belly for the first time in my life (since baby #1). I have two children under 3. I am carrying 10 kgs that I wish would disappear. I have two kids under 3.  I dye my hair now. I have two children under 3. I permanently look like I need a good nights sleep. Did I mention I have two kids under 3. Point is I don’t always look at myself and see a yummy woman. But I always look at myself and see a mummy.  Being told, reminded, convinced or complimented at being a yummy mummy makes sure I don’t forget that I have still got it going on AND I have my babies as well. 

    This “yumminess” we speak of isn’t looks or a smoking hot figure (according to magazine perception). It is confidence and the way she carrys herself – badges and all.  I think we would find that if partners and hubbys were surveyed on the yumminess of their new mum partners/wives, the vast majority would say they are so much sexier now than before. Why? Because having a baby is a big deal. We take it in our strides because that is what nature intended… men on the other hand are genuinely blown away by what a woman goes though and is capable of. That earns their respect and admiration. So often they love and “want” their partners more for it!. 

    • bec watts

      fantastic thoughts amanda, i really enjoyed reading your comment x

    • pottymouthmama

      Thanks for your comment Amanda. The crux of my argument is that ‘yummy mummy’ is almost like a rating for women who become mothers. That if you don’t snap back into shape like a rubber band, well sorry you’re not going to earn that tag. 

      I like your thoughts on the term yummy mummies, but I think society has a different and everyday idea of the term. I absolutely agree that it should be about confidence and the way we carry ourselves, but I think that’s constantly being undermined by feeling the need to look a certain way – via messaging in the media etc. 

  • Mellybean

    I just read your story, still a little bit of vomit smell in the air as I just finished the third load of vomit covered clothes and ‘catchers’ for the day and its only 10.30am….
    I sat down at the computer for a rest and thought who would know what im going thru this morning… and then i saw your title ‘curse of the yummy mummy’ lol! Not her…
     I hope my 2yr old boy finds me yummy after I’ve copped several of his projectiles this morning….
    silly thing is im due again in 10wks, may as well  start getting used to again now. ;)

    • pottymouthmama

      I think I was in the thick of vomity, milky, snotty love for a few years. I had moments when I escaped, but I just loved being the thick of it (well, not the thick of the snotty, vommy bit – you know what I mean). Hope your little man is ok – and that you mama, that you are more than ok, you’re doing an ace job. And in 10 weeks a new wee babe! WOOT!

  • Traceyleefawcett

    I have 3 delightful daughters (aged 5, 3 and 10-weeks). The elder two regularly and unprompted tell me how beautiful I look; “You look beautiful Mummy”. Whether or not I feel ‘beautiful’ they certainly make me smile xo

  • Emma_hart02

    I loved this read. Thank you.
    I put so much pressure on myself to look great and I guess have that title “yummy mummy”
    Everything you have said I can relate to, and it wakes me up alittle and I realise I should not be so hard on myself.
    Also with what your husband said to you kinda brought up emotions for me because it’s so true. God if my husband wasn’t around I don’t think I would have eatten those first 6 weeks lol.

    • pottymouthmama

      Don’t be hard on yourself! I think small triumphs each day are worthy of celebration. Every. Single. Day!

  • Miss Leesha

    I’m often called a yummy mummy :) But it took me a long, long time to get myself back into shape. Around 2 years!
    My boobs are far from perky but I make time to workout and eat as healthy as I can.
    It’s a choice, it’s MY choice and I choose to be healthy!

  • Deedles

    After years of trying to be a ‘yummy mummy’ and keep up with my non-mummy friends, a few months ago I finally accepted that it’s not going to happen. It is totally unfeasible and a little self harmful really. Unlike them I don’t go to the gym daily -I know mothers that do, and I admire them, i don’t know how they do it- I don’t make protein shakes for breakfast, I refuse to spend crazy amounts of money on my appearance -its really not necessary and frankly these days I enjoy spending my money on my family. My home isn’t spotless, I don’t have a schedule or diary I need to check before I can commit to coffee and I like it that way! Now I feel sorry for them because they don’t know what they are missing out on. I have finally realised that for me happiness is my family, if my friends can’t accept that then they aren’t friends. 
    Mothers that still have the time, money and drive to do these things, good on you, and I mean that genuinely no sarcasm at all.
    The funny thing is since I have come to this realisation, I have steadily been losing the weight I couldn’t before! It’s amazing what a positive mindset can do. :)

    • Amanda

       Now that is a yummy mummy!

    • pottymouthmama

      Deedles, I loved reading this. It is a sort of awakening, isn’t it? Or it was for me, that dawning that – actually, I am happy with this new version of my life – it has so much more meaning. 
      I’ve recently just started walking in the mornings, and it has done WONDERS for my moods, as well as giving me half an hour – or an hour when I can stretch it, just for me to clear my head. But if I don’t do it, I’m not going to hate on myself! 

  • Shoppegirls

    Thank you for sharing Lexi. I love your honesty and frankness and agree with all you have said.  I have shared my thoughts on my blog http://shoppegirls.blogspot.com.au/ on how I have changed over the last 16 years of being a parent.

  • Cindy

    I was a yummy mummy, I fed that baby and he thought it was yummy. That was enough for me. What more do I need to do … really. I guess having 2 kids hand prints on my back removes the need for the ‘I didn’t think you had kids’ convo, they’re stamped there along with the other reminders they have left on the outside, which of course compares to the changes they made to my insides. My heart has never been so full – nor my eyes tired – ying yang

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1599503946 Sylvia Davey

    i don’t like the term either, my boyfriend uses it though, he doesn’t mind that my boobs aren’t perky or anything like that he says i have 3 excuses for not having a celebrity body and he wouldn’t have it any other way. my body’s not perfect but it’s imperfections are from 3 little boys whom we adore and that makes me a yummy mummy scars and all

  • Vicki

    This is true to us all I am sure. I admit I did not feel beautiful or very yummy when I had my daughters and it is only know that I am older and my daughters are teenagers that I actually take the time to make myself look my best everyday. I am by no means a very attractive person but yes what Lexi says ‘If you’re a mummy, no matter what your little person thinks you’re positively yummy.  And that’s what matters.’ rings so true. My daughters are beautiful, I tell them everyday, and they let me know that I am too. We all look at ourselves differently to how others perceive us. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to how we look and it takes hearing from another person or your own children to open your eyes and look. We are not all slim and fit but you are you and you are beautiful in other people’s eyes, if not your own. I am no slim and fit mummy but I make time to make myself happy by doing my hair and dressing like I am ready to go out or someone is going to pop over for a coffee. This makes me feel good about myself and I may not be  a yummy mummy like the gorgeous celebrities but I am to my children and I am to myself as well. It really does not matter what others think or say as long as you feel good.

  • Pennypud

    Thank you for making me feel normal and for making me cry happy tears!!

  • Cat Beloverly

    I hate the term & I rather intensely dislike Celine & that song! Agree with all that you’ve written Lexi … And I have changed my outfit twice today thanks to baby spew & baby vomit. And I’ve had to shower the 3.5 year old cos he was covered in paint & mud. I like to look nice but that’s because for me it helps my mental state to not be in pj’s or trackies. Wearing makeup is something I rarely do now though beyond tinted sunscreen. Fab article! Xx

  • Cath @ mybeardedpigeon

    So well said Lexi! There is pressure to have a perfect round pregnant belly with no stretch marks but then 5 seconds after the bub is born you are suppose to have a perfect flat stomach again? Why? Will the baby care? I doubt it.
    I found the term so offensive for exactly the reasons you said. It’s just another pressure, my Mr said to me a few hours after my baby was born : I am so in love with you right now, it wasn’t about what I looked like but it was about what was important. Our relationship not my stomach!

  • pottymouthmama

    Sweeeeeet – I love that too. So innocent and lovely. That’s the best boost ever.

  • pottymouthmama

    I got told once, when my firstborn was very wee, that the mother’s group assumed I was the nanny. I was 25, and never wanted to go back. 

  • pottymouthmama

    Love what your Mr said. Love your comment Cath. So, so true.

  • mama mogantosh

    The term ‘yummy mummy’ makes me vomit in my own mouth. Apart from everything else, it feels infantilising and inherently sexist; like ‘Don’t worry! Even though you’re no longer fresh and attractive, if you work hard, you can still be appealing to the male gaze!’  I love it when people take time to dress in interesting ways, and all props to women who manage it with kids (impressive!) …but the term it ‘yummy mummy’ has the stench of apology about it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=766621806 Ally Knights

    I agree with all your comments, I am a ‘young’ mum (another term that drives me crazy, considering I am mid-20s) and have always felt the pressure to be a ‘yummy mummy’ especially as most of my friends don’t have kids. I have 3 kids under three with a fourth on the way (4 under 4), and these posts have really helped me put things into perspective! Also the comments “you look great, for having three kids!” really irritates me – why not just say “you look great!”??? like the additional comment is to cover the bits that aren’t so great…?! Feeling pepped and ready to be a “yummy cuddly mummy” for my kids, have a lovely day :o ) 

    • pottymouthmama

      It’s like a disclaimer: “You look great… for someone with kids.” Have a wonderful day being an awesome mama, and thanks for the comment. x